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Math teacher arrested

Engineers are next

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Wednesday, July 28, 2004 Posted: 0108 GMT (0908 HKT)

Ashcroft: A clear message sent by indictments.
Indictment: U.S. v. Holy Land Foundation (FindLaw, PDF)external link
Acts of terror
Justice Department

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- A math teacher has been indicted on charges of conspiracy and supporting terrorism, federal officials announced Tuesday.

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested for trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, on this subject, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

The man is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a fearsome sleeper network," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search for absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval, or geometry, with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes"

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