Math teacher arrested
Engineers are next
Wednesday, July 28, 2004 Posted: 0108 GMT (0908 HKT)
(CNN) -- A math teacher has
been indicted on charges of conspiracy and supporting terrorism, federal officials announced Tuesday.
At New York's Kennedy airport today,
an individual discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested for
trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a
setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, on
this subject, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a
member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
The man is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction. "Al-gebra is a fearsome sleeper network," Ashcroft said. "They
desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents in a search for absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x'
and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that
they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval, or geometry,
with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used
to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes"